I’ll never punish my daughter for saying no.
The first time it comes out of her mouth, I’ll smile gleefully. As she repeats “No! No! No!” I’ll laugh, overjoyed. At a young age, she’ll have mastered a wonderful skill. A skill I’m still trying to learn. I know I’ll have to teach her that she has to eat her vegetables, and she has to take a nap. But “No” is not wrong. It is not disobedience.
1. She will know her feelings are valid.
2. She will know that when I no longer guide her, she still has a right to refuse.
The first time a boy pulls her hair after she says no, and the teacher tells her “boys will be boys,” we will go to her together, and explain that my daughter’s body is not a public amenity. That boy isn’t teasing her because he likes her, he is harassing her because it is allowed. I will not reinforce that opinion. If my son can understand that “no means no” so can everyone else’s.
3. She owes no one her silence, her time, or her cooperation.
The first time she tells a teacher, “No, that is wrong,” and proceeds to correct his public school, biased rhetoric, I’ll revel in the fact that she knows her history; that she knows our history. The first time she tells me “No” with the purpose and authority that each adult is entitled, I will stop. I will apologize. I will listen.
4. She is entitled to her feelings and her space. I, even a a parent, have no right to violate them.
5. No one has a right to violate them.
The first time my mother questions why I won’t make her kiss my great aunt at Christmas, I’ll explain that her space isn’t mine to control. That she gains nothing but self doubt when she is forced into unwanted affection. I’ll explain that “no” is a complete sentence. When the rest of my family questions why she is not made to wear a dress to our reunion dinner. I will explain that her expression is her own. It provides no growth to force her into unnecessary and unwanted situation.
6. She is entitled to her expression.
When my daughter leaves my home, and learns that the world is not as open, caring, and supportive as her mother, she will be prepared. She will know that she can return if she wishes, that the real world can wait. She will not want to. She will not need to. I will have prepared her, as much as I can, for a world that will try to push her down at every turn.
7. She is her own person. She is complete as she is.
I will never punish my daughter for saying no. I want “No” to be a familiar friend. I never want her to feel that she cannot say it. She will know how to call on “No” whenever it is needed, or wanted.
Gentlemen. This is what rape culture is like: Imagine you have a Rolex watch. Nice fancy Rolex, you bought it because you like the way it looks and you wanted to treat yourself. And then you get beaten and mugged and your Rolex is stolen. So you go to the police. Only, instead of investigating the crime, the police want to know why you were wearing a Rolex instead of a regular watch. Have you ever given a Rolex to anyone else? Is it possible you wanted to be mugged? Why didn’t you wear long sleeves to cover up the Rolex if you didn’t want to be mugged? And then after that, everywhere you go, there are constant jokes about stealing your Rolex. People you don’t even know whistle at your Rolex and make jokes about cutting your hand off to get it. The media doesn’t help either; it portrays people who wear Rolexes as flamboyant assholes who secretly just want someone to come along and take that Rolex off their hands. When damn, all you wanted was to wear a nice watch without getting harassed for it. When you complain that you are starting to feel unsafe, people laugh you off and say that you are too uptight. Never mind you got violently attacked for the crime of wearing a friggin time piece. Imagining all that? It sucks, doesn’t it. Now imagine you could never take the Rolex off.
why the fuck wouldn’t you read a book, unless you’re illiterate
This literally made me sad and I just want to go to sleep now
I think it’s because people are so stressed and working all the time. Less college grads read than high school grads — that should tell you something. Capitalism crushes the people’s souls.
Plus, think of the books you have to read for class in high school/college. Unless you really enjoy a certain type of literature (and/or have a really great teacher) a lot of it is going to feel like junk you’re forced to suffer through.
So for quite a few people, their perception of “adult” books is super-dense language and unpleasant subject matter, while the last books they really enjoyed reading on their own terms (like those 500+ installment chapter book series) might not be something they consider appropriate/appealing for people their age.
I’m calling bullshit on this whole infographic. How would they even collect this kind of information? I sure as hell don’t remember seeing any questions about my reading habits the last time I took the US Census. Who are they polling? What’s their sample size? What demographic did they poll? This stinks.
So: “RobertBrewer.org” is the personal website of a Christian pastor. On his own website, he explains that the data is has been attributed to something called ‘the Jenkins Group,’ which is a book publisher, not an independent polling agency, and certainly not an unbiased source of data when it comes to reading habits. Brewer also explains that the Jenkins Group itself distances itself from the statistics: they were informally presented by the owner of the company at a party, and were never actually published.
When I read that, I hear “the owner of a publishing company pulled these numbers out of his ass to impress his friends, but since he’s the boss we can’t just say that,” but draw your own conclusions.
thank you, this is ridiculous
like, just for instance, physically going into a bookstore has little or nothing to do, these days, with whether or not you read books
also maybe a lot of books go unfinished because of Sturgeon’s Law? you know, 90% of everything is crap? maybe people don’t finish the books they buy because they found out the books suck. (most of the time when I don’t finish a book it’s because another book appealed to me more.)
and for real, 80% of families not buying or reading any books doesn’t ring true for me at all. at the absolute minimum there are a lot of families with kids who are reading books for bedtime stories, for school, whatever. more like “80% of families didn’t buy or read books from us”
All I know is that this infographic makes me feel like Reader Georg.